Courtney

A while back, eHarmony matched me with a 23 year old teacher named Courtney. Courtney taught through a non-profit organization that placed recent college graduates in underserved school districts. Courtney had agreed to be placed where she was needed most, regardless of where she ended up. Not too long afterwards, she ended up in one of my city's worst neighborhoods, teaching math.

Courtney and I e-mailed back and forth for a couple of weeks, and before long, she sent me a friend request on Facebook. Because, after all, if you are younger than 26, it is impossible to actually know a person unless you are his or her Facebook friend.

We continued writing to one another via e-mail and Facebook. We even discussed going on an actual date. And then, all of a sudden, she was nowhere to be found. She had stopped replying to my e-mails and completely disappeared from Facebook.

I wasn't too concerned, as nothing had really developed between us beyond e-mailing back and forth, but I was definitely puzzled. There were no signs that she wasn't interested. Quite the opposite, actually. She and I were e-mailing back and forth quite frequently. Overall, it was a puzzling situation.

A week later, I met up with my friend Caitlin for drinks. I told her the about the mystifying situation, and she offered to search for Courtney on Facebook. "She may have blocked you," she said.

"But why would she do that?" I asked. "Things were going fine, and I didn't say anything horribly offensive to her... At least I don't think I did."

"She's 23," Caitlin said, her left eyebrow cocked. "This generation doesn't 'get' real interpersonal relationships. She is very much of that generation, and it could be that, for whatever reason, she's not interested in you," she explained, "and her solution, rather than being up-front and telling you about it, was to just block you. It's all the same to them, even though it really is nothing like having an honest conversation. Or even sending an e-mail."

Caitlin, who is the sort of person who carries her Macbook wherever she goes, including bars, whipped it out, found a WiFi signal, and went to work.

Sure enough, Courtney was still on Facebook, and had blocked me.

I was angry. And then I was confused. And then I was angry again. And then it all just swirled together into a vortex of disappointment. Obviously, the only solution here would be to send a self-righteous e-mail.

So that's exactly what I did. I borrowed Caitlin's computer to write the e-mail. Right there. At the bar. After I had been drinking for an hour:

Hi Courtney.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you're not interested in me. It's pretty obvious -- you haven't contacted me since Saturday and then blocked me on Facebook for no apparent reason. If you're not interested in me, that's totally fine. I understand and respect that. However, all you had to do was say so. Instead, you chose to go about it in a roundabout manner.

The way you handle a situation says a lot about you as a person. While I never really had the chance to get to know you, the way you handled this particular situation tells me that you probably still have a lot of growing up to do. For what it's worth, you will earn a lot more respect from others by dealing with unpleasant situations directly, rather than resorting to circuitousness.

Good luck with whatever you do.

I clicked send before handing the computer back to Caitlin, who immediately started laughing.

"Circuitousness?" Caitlin exclaimed. "Do you honestly think she knows what 'circuitousness' means?"

Okay, so maybe the e-mail wasn't necessary. And maybe I'm a bit of a douche for using big words on a small problem. But damn it, I needed to tell her off. Besides, at this point, I wasn't really trying to win her over as a friend or anything.

"Another round?" Caitlin asked.